What Happened To Us As A People?

Today, as I listened to David Akwetteh on The Diary on Luv FM, my heart bled out. Even after the program, I am still shaken by what was discussed.

 

A 13 year old boy has shot and killed two of his friends with a gun belonging to his father. Two siblings had also suffocated in their father's vehicle. Those were the topics.

 

As I listened in on the discussions, I couldn't stop wandering about where we as a people have gotten to. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the numerous questions and alternatives that were pouring into my head.

 

In some few years past, these incidents would have been unimaginable in our part of the world. It would have been very strange even hearing about them, let alone, experiencing them.

 

Gone are the days when parents had time for their kids. In those days, families used to eat together and discussed issues as and when they occurred. Parents had time to sort and trash issues out with wards. Parents used to stroll with their wards to and fro school where it was necessary. Parents used to help their wards with their homework. Every child was the responsibility of every adult in the society just as every adult had the correctional role in the lives of the children.

 

Few years down the lane, everything is so different. In place of parents, we have televisions. Taking up the place of quality family time are various social media platforms. No one has the right to correct another person's child any more. If you see two children misbehaving, woe is you if you try to teach them the right thing because a parent or a guardian might come to fight you. Parents spend all their time making money. They leave the house when the children are still sleeping and go home after they have gone to bed. Most children pray for weekends to come so that they may see their parents only for them to be gone again to one social event or the other. Not with funerals on every Saturday and weddings or other church programs taking most of the time of most parents.

 

I am not against hard work or attending to other social events or even church. I am all for that. But my problem is: in the midst of all these things, where do we place our younger ones? Are the televisions and other electronic gadgets doing a good job playing parents with our kids? Why did we let go of our external family system for the nuclear family system that helped us all in the past even when we don't understand the practice?

 

These incidents might have been prevented with a lot of caution. For example, if this father had left the kids in the care of a family member, he could have attended to his business and not forgotten about them in the car. If parents have not been so absorbed in making money and buying video games and other stuffs for the kids, this could have been prevented. Kids spend so much time in front of their video games, do and undo most things in the game so much so that, they end up thinking same can be done in real life.

 

Like I said, I am not against all these. However, I have issues with overdoing them. I am equally aware that some people, including family members, cannot be trusted with our kids but some, and a lot more at that can be trusted.

 

I think it's high time we take a stand for our younger ones. If we put all our emphasis on money, we might end up regretting sooner or later. We shouldn't forget that, these kids are the future of our society and what a society it would be if all they know about is how important money is when compared with the family.

 

Better late than never. Today is the best time to start correcting our mistakes as a people.



An Eye For An Eye, Or?

In the past few days, I have seen enough evil to last me a lifetime. I have been so baffled by the events unfolding in South Africa, so much so that I have not been able to write anything much about it.

 

I have been reading about the heinous acts on one social media or the other. Much as I have tried, I have not been able watch some of the videos and pictures. Any time I try, my stomach churns. Those acts are the height of evil and unfortunately, like everything African, nothing serious is being done.

 

I move from one social networking platform to the other, reading stories and other peoples comments on this issue, xenophobia, and I am afraid for my continent. People are angry, and rightly so, we all ought to be. Such inhumane atrocities being metered on our brothers and sisters should and must be condemned with no room for any excuse whatsoever. I need not have a family member in that country to feel the pains that these innocent souls are being subjected to because they are humans just as I am.

 

That not withstanding, I am afraid for most of the comments I read. I understand what we all, especially those with family members in that country, are going through. What I do not get is why people are advocating that we avenge our brothers and sisters in our respective countries on the nationals of this country by treating them in similar vain. It is true that they are from this country but it is not their fault that they are from there. Just as it is no fault of our countrymen to find themselves there, the contrary is also true.

Why then should we also stoop to their level? Besides, if we start practicing the "an eye for an eye" principle, will we not be leaving our continent in a darker place than it already is? If we start treating their nationals in every corner of the continent like they are doing, are we not going to pay a higher price in the end? Two wrongs can never make a right. Let us not resort to their methods.

 

Instead, let us use diplomacy to let them also have a little 'feel' of all that their countrymen have subjected our brothers and sisters to. Let us not patronize their products; let us not sell to them, let us not wine and with them, let us all treat them like a plague, let us all sabotage their businesses in our respective countries and then, their numerous businessmen around the continent will talk some sense into them from their own losses.

 

As much as it is tempting, let us not start plucking the eyes of some innocent people all in a bid to release our anger. For all you know, most of the people busily metting these atrocities might have never travelled before and have no intentions of ever stepping out of their comfort zone, which is South Africa, their country.

 

May God help and protect our countrymen and women in South Africa and may He console those that have lost dear ones even as He gives us discerning spirits to reason.

 

God bless us all.



A Friend Is Not Always A Yardstick

In the past few days, I have witnessed two opposite types of friendship.

I witnessed the friend who would not sacrifice a pesewa without recouping.  The type of friend who would gladly ask you to give them your most precious asset, your time, but will not let go of anything for you.  The type of friend who would ask you to carry loads of things without offering to help you even though the load belongs to them.  The type of friend who will continuously take without ever giving or asking where it came from.  The type of friend that thinks one is oblige to serve them all the time, no matter what the other person is going through.  In short, the friend that is stingy to the core.

 And then, I witnessed the type of friendship that melts the heart.  The type of friend that gives without asking for any explanation.  The one that offers a shoulder and help without you having to ask.  The type of friend who will help you meet a deadline.  That person who feels your pains and is happy over your joy.  The type of friend that willingly gives you what others spend years to contemplate on.  The type of friend that although you hardly speak with, is always ready to help you out no matter what.  The word generous is not close to describe this sort of friend.

I deliberate on these two people and I question the saying "show me your friend and I will show you your character".  I am not saying it is not true to some extent.  I am only saying it is not entirely true.  How can anybody judge another based on how stingy or generous the person's friend is?

Some people clearly understand and accept that, one will always have to be a 'fool' in any human relationship.  Some are born that way and others learn to be that way.  Whatever the case, it is not true that one's character can always determine that of the friend.  For all you know, the other person became a friend to the other because of all that he or she might get from the other party.

In the instances above, these two people are both friends of the same person and both can testify that, the generosity of their mutual friend is at heart.  While the other gladly takes advantage of the kindness of this friend, the other gladly work on being a true friend, especially, in times of need.  If these two people are friends with the same person and are of different personality, how can anybody make the mistake of concluding that any two persons are the same just because they are friends or acquaintances?

The saying that "friends of the same further flock together" therefore becomes questionable.  I have seen two people who are friends but believe in different things.  After all, friendship, like any other relationship, is based on dialogue and understanding.  That is why people of different religious beliefs are able to have the best forms of friendships.  Like the Bible say, two cannot walk together unless they are of they agree.  It does not necessarily mean they have to do the same things.  If we choose not to be friends with such people, how are we going to impact positively on our world?

Personally, I am glad to be friends with such people and the likes.  I learn a lot from both.  One forever humbles me while the other forever remind me of the command to serve others.  It really is an honour to have such people around.

So when next you meet a person with any character defect, do not make the mistake of judging his or her friends to be of same behaviour.  After all, when all is said and done, even twins have individual differences.

THE GIFT OF ENCOURAGING PEOPLE

Today, the past revisited me.

I came face to face with a situation that occurred some few years ago. However, I am happy to say that it was the other way round this time.

I walked into this business center for photocopying and to have some documents scanned. What happened afterwards made me understand why God finally took me to that particular place.

I had walked past this particular place to my favourite place only to find out that they had no lights. I went back to the next place and didn't like their reception. After waiting around and none of the staff made any effort to attend to me, I excused myself. It was after all these that I finally settled on this place.

The guy was attending to a client but still managed to get me a seat and assured me he would attend to me in a while. After about ten minutes, he did.

When he was done with my tasks, he asked me a question that took me back to the past. The only difference was that, this time round, the seats had changed. I was the client and he was the typesetter.

I remembered how one good Samaritan sat with me in the past and talked to me that about this same subject.

He asked me about the difference between distance education and sandwich. I took my time to explain to him and what he said next was me talking some years back.

He said he has heard rumours that if you go to University, you will not get a job. That was when I remembered Kizito, the guy that God used to get my attention to go back to school.

For the sake of the past and armed with evidence of the present, I had a heart to heart with this guy. I explained to him how false such rumours were, especially, if you believe in your God.

He asked me so many other questions which I explained as well. We talked about how he will have to get someone to help him if he chooses to do the distance. We also talked about the pros and cons of both the distance education and the sandwich. He assured me he would think about it and make a decision. I also promised him I would go back to check on him in the future.

And my! Did it feel good to be of help to somebody who intended to take such a huge decision? The feeling was incredible.

I know that was God reminding me of how far He has brought me, how far He intends to take me, and above all, how much He expects me to do same for anybody in my situation.

It was such an honour being of help to this guy and it would be a blessing to be gifted with such a task.

It would be an honour to be able to encourage others in the least way possible.

The Horrific Task Of Finding A True Woman

I walk through town these days and I can't help but wander what is wrong with the women of our generation.

I don't know if it's all about insecurities or sophistication. Or perhaps, just following a blinded fashion. I mean, what is with all these artificial enhancement bits?

Recently, my mother attended a funeral rite with this lady and then she had to ask someone else if all was well with that lady. She was shocked when she saw the butts of this lady. She has known this lady like forever and she wasn't known for big butt only to meet her one day like that.

You  are right right to think that my mother doesn't know what's up. After all, this wasn't there in their time. But what about those of us in this generation? Are we all comfortable with these stuffs?

Now, when you walk past someone else, that person turns to look at your back just to ascertain if really, your hips and butts are really yours.

We have enhanced every part of our bodies as women. From our eye lashes to our nails, from our boobs to our butt, and any other thing you can think of. I don't know why we find it so hard to accept anything that God created about us. We shed everything about us and bring on board so many crazy stuff.

We eliminate our eye brows, bring in eye lashes; tone our skin until there is no remnant of our older self. We shave our legs and hands right after fixing our lashes. There are barely any dark complexioned ladies walking around these days, not with all these skin toning creams at our beck and call.

And top of it all, the mother of all fakes in the world of ladies is the Brazilian hair or the Peruvian hair, as is currently the trend.

With all the above mentioned craziness and many others there are, even we as women find it difficult differentiating between the truths and the lies in the lives of our fellow women, then I wander how the men are able to.

Some of these fakes are so real that you find it so difficult not to object even if the person confesses the truth about them. Nobody talks about true African beauty any more.

In a generation such as ours, I don't envy the men at all. There is always the tendency of marrying a fake everything...from fake character to fake bodily parts. How. I pray our ladies can help make this particular task a bit easier for our men.

But then, guys, it is well. Shine your eyes and you will find the real deal.

All the best to you.

Do You Build Up or Tear Teardown?

Most of the time we say things to people without thinking of their possible consequences. We either enjoy seeing others hurt or we as a people don't value the worth of our words.

The moment words are uttered, they can never be taken back. It's so strange how one word which is wrongly spoken can generate a very heated war. With our words, we can build up tear down a nation.

Words are extremely powerful. A whole lot of people who had the potential to be of greater good to society gave up on their dreams because of words that others uttered to them. Some people also who gave up on themselves have become more than what they could never anticipate just because someone believed in them and encouraged them.

It is so sad that people choose to destroy. My question is, if with words you can help build a better society by building a better people, why then do most of us find it difficult to build but easy to tear and destroy?

It will sound unbelievable, but it takes much more energy to destroy than it takes to build. Why can't we just say "well done", "try again if it doesn't work out the first time", "keep up the good work", etc. Instead, we take all the time and tell people why we think what they are doing is never going to work. We talk and talk until we convenience them that truly, it's not going to work.

Do we act out of ignorance or we are just indifferent towards the feelings and passions of others? Won't we all, no matter how remotely, be beneficiaries of the achievements of these people if they make it? Won't we be proud to be a part of their success stories? Wouldn't it be worth our while if through our encouraging words, one more youth is employed or change from a bad behavior?

If you answered 'yes' to all or even one of the questions above, then you agree with me that we should be proactive. We should change our words, actions and attitudes toward others, especially those who are trying to make something meaningful out of their lives. We should learn to offer words that will help them realize that, though they are not where they want to be, they are better off today than they were before they started.

So when next you see or speak to someone who wants to give up on life, remember this and let your encouraging words build them up.

You never know when your words will be the fuel that another will need to continue on in the journey of life. Be there for me when I need you and maybe, someday I may be just who you will need to go on. 

CELEBRATING MY MOTHER

How can anybody replace her?

 

Imagine working single-handedly to feed ten children of your own and those of other people as well. When the world is asleep, she is thinking of where to get the next meal for all these "soldiers". As early as 2:30 am, she is up getting things ready just so we would not be late for school.

I don't remember even one morning any of us woke up to bathe with cold water. Water was always on fire for our use.

All of us had our preferences when it came to food  and not once did any of us compromise on what to eat. Imagine cooking more than two different foods every morning.

 

When it comes to soup, some didn't like palm nut soup, some didn't like 'light-soup' and some some still didn't like any of the two. That meant that, at any point in time, there should be more than one soups per each serving. 

Call her at anytime of the day and tell her what you would want to eat and it would be ready by the time you get there.

What more can I write? And this is not even a tip of all that she has done and continues to do.

 

She really is the only one of a kind.